remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
