I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
