I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
