I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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