i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I supernannyed him into submission
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
