is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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