i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
