wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
