How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
