my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
