He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
