Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
