My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
