At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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