i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
