I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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