Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
