Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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