Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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