Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
