oh god the rape fog is back!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
