Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
