I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
