Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
