Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
