Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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