First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
