Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
