you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
