he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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