Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
