The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
