You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
