"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
