Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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