ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
