Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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