that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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