I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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