i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
