The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
