The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
