I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
