so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
