He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
