girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
