I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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