They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
