whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
