Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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