I smell stomach acid.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
