I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
